25-Sept: Confidence

In planning my trips, whether they be working as a nomad or going on an international solo holiday, I receive comments on how courageous I am for venturing out, especially on my own. My response is that it is more of a false confidence: A belief in oneself that you can do it no matter the challenge. There is a point where you just have to convince yourself that this (whatever it may be) is the option that you're taking.

To demonstrate: I'm currently exploring New Zealand, a country with a limited transit system and highways that are generally one lane in each direction (except for bridges which are primarily one lane total). I had wanted to save money and travel via public transport, but there would be many locations I couldn't travel and scheduling would be a pain. The only other option -- and thus the solution -- was to rent a car. Normally I'd have no worry about rental cars, but this is my first country to drive on the left. I watched driving patterns and made sure I understood the right of way, but it wasn't until I pulled out of the agency and onto the street that I tested myself. I've been licensed 15 years, but I was suddenly a new driver: inconsistent speed, not centering myself in my lane...a bit embarassing. What isn't embarrassing, however, is the fact that 2000km in, I haven't bumped anything and I haven't been honked at. Humorous items to note include:

     1) I accidentally turn on the wipers to signal turns
     2) I freaked out (a little) one night in a rural area because what I thought was a flat tire light was actually telling me my emergency brake was on
     3) I still can't center myself in the lane (getting better!)

Confidence can also be exercised by evaluating fears of the unknown and determining that there are no reasonable dangers to actually fear. I spent the night in Trounson Park Kauri Forest specifically for the opportunity to wander around the forest at night to see/hear kiwi, freshwater eels, glowworms, and weta: New Zealand's answer to the Jerusalem cricket. The trail was more or less a loop (scouted during daylight) and I had two red lights for night viewing and a backup flashlight, should the reds fail. The only endemic mammals in New Zealand are bats and the reptiles are small; therefore, there was nothing in the darkness that could eat me. That was a great factor to know because my red lights illuminated about three feet in front of me.

You know what, though? I briefly saw a kiwi next to me (briefly because we scared each other), I spotted an eel hovering around in the creek, and had multiple glowworm sightings. No wetas, but three out of four!

There were three German couples staying in the rain-soaked park with me. They had their camper vans and I my car. Who needs a van?!

 

I bounce around in my head the lines of confidence, trust, and belief. Are they related or even synonymous, depending on the situation? I trusted one pair with my lights so that they could exercise their exploratory nature in the face of a fear of the dark unknown. They saw more than I...